Untuk Nadia,

I won’t pretend that what happened didn’t hurt me.


There were things that broke my trust, moments where I felt left behind,
and parts of us that I wish had been handled with more care.

But even with all of that, I don’t want to carry anger toward you.

I told you before that the patience I have for you is a mountain, and I meant it.

If my door is still open, it is not because I have forgotten myself, or because I do not know when to walk away. It is because I still believe there is goodness in you, and because I have never wanted pain to decide the kind of person I become.

No matter how unkind the world has been to me, I don’t believe bitterness will ever bring me peace.

I don’t want to answer hurt with hurt.
I don’t want someone else’s wounds to become the reason I harden my own heart.
I would rather learn how to protect my peace without losing my softness.

I would rather forgive where I can, release what I cannot carry, and continue forward without wishing pain on the people who once caused me pain.

And I hope one day
you are able to do that,
whether that path leads you back to me or somewhere else entirely.



Of course, a part of me still hopes it is with me.



But I don’t want you to return because you feel guilty, lonely, or afraid of losing something familiar.

Our chats may have been deleted, but our memories certainly weren’t.

I still believe your heart is kind, Nadia.

I believe there are parts of you that are still learning how to trust what is good, how to receive love without fear, and how to leave the weight of the past where it belongs.



I believe one day you will stop calling yourself a red flag or a toxic person.







Because underneath all of it, I don’t see someone who is bad.
I see someone who has been hurt.


Someone who learned to protect herself
in ways that may have once been necessary,
but perhaps no longer serve the life she wants to build.


I see someone who sometimes mistakes fear for instinct,
distance for safety, and leaving for protection.



But I also see the kindness in you.
I see the softness you try to hide.




I believe that one day, when you stop defining yourself by the worst ways you have coped with pain, you will finally see what I have always seen in you.



A person who was hurt, who learned how to survive,
and who still has the chance to learn how to live with an open heart again.

I hope one day you become gentle with yourself.

Because healing is not becoming a completely different person.
Sometimes it is returning to
the person you were before the hurt.









Take gentle steps
Take all the time you need

Love, alif